Jessica Tracey

Writer, survivor and life coach. I love to swim, cook, garden, laugh, love and travel. I want to grow and heal and share the best of myself with others.

Latest posts from Feeling Free

• Saying goodbye to a pet

  Jan 21 ⎯ Dear Floris, This photo was take a few hours before you left us. You were too young to die. Five in Cat-years. That’s about thirty five in Human-years.  You gave so much love. Your big heart collapsed way before your time. A blood clot to the heart. It happened so suddenly. Your back legs stopped working. I thought it was a tick. I wish it was a tick. I’m an expert at tick removal. No. The blood flow to your back legs was blocked. I’ll never forget your cries. You always had a loud voice. You talked constantly, commenting on everything you liked and disliked in a language that was half-cat, half-human. We had to stop your terrible pain. We had to let you go.  It’s almost Christmas now. And this is the first time I’ve been able to write about you since you died, five months ago. Yes you were a cat, not a human. Some may say I’m just an eccentric cat-lady. But you were my dear friend. You helped me in my darkest hour. Knowing when I needed to connect and feel your unconditional love. Those amongst us who leave this earth before their time, are often the most sensitive. Almost too sensitive for this life. Thank you Floris for the five years of healing and light you brought into my life. Animals are the angels who walk this earth.

  

• Following the right path

  Jan 21 ⎯ Decisions impact everything. We are living in a world filled with options-overload. Sometimes it gets so overwhealming, it’s easier to simply click the impulse button and see what happens. I’m an unpublished writer of fiction fantasy and a childhood trauma survivor; currently in therapy. One of the multitude of writers trying to secure a literary agent. Juggling creativity with real life responsibility and keeping myself in balance, mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually is an ongoing challenge. This is me trying to have a conversation with the wise self that lives somewhere inside my brain. I’ll name my wise self, Intuition. I’ll also invite two others into this dialogue: Impulse and Instinct. Impulse bursts into my head. “Look at this Agency ! Nice website. See that agent? She’s going to sell your book. Her wishlist is exactly what you’re writing about. And she’s with **** Agency. They’ve got so many powerful connections in the industry. And she looks nice. Send her your manuscript submission NOW.” I just got a massive dopamine hit that pulled me out of the dark sea of hopelessness I’ve been languishing in. Instinct interrupts Impulse. “Are you sure your query letter is on point? Check the query letter. She won’t even look at the sample pages if she doesn’t like the query letter.” Impulse shouts. “The query letter is fine. I’m going to send my submission now. I have to secure an agent by the end of this month. I’m sending it now.” Intuition doesn’t say anything. Or maybe she did speak? But she’s always speaking so quietly and slowly, it’s hard to hear her when Impulse is shouting. End of my submission story. Agent wrote back saying she didn’t like my query letter. I took a look at it, did some online tutorials, and saw my query letter needed work. Some of it was good and some of it didn’t make sense. I fell back into hopelessness. While lying in bed contemplating nothing, a voice entered my mind. Intuition. “Do you like your book? Read a few chapters and let me know.” Authentic Me. “I enjoyed reading those chapters. They really entertained me.” Intuition. "Do you believe others will enjoy your book?" Authentic Me. “Yes, but it needs a bit of work. It’s not quite ready for submission.” Instinct. “Thank the gods you can see that. Now just slow down and get the job done properly. You’ll know when it’s right. I’m your gut feeling. I will tell you. Then we’ll call our friend Impulse to get the show on the road. She’s the fire that gets things moving. If we work together as a team. We might get a result.” Intuition. “Remember you’re reaching for the stars. Catching a ride on a star isn’t easy. Take care of your health. Stay grounded, and look at your work with new eyes. If you feel love for your work, then you’re on track.” I’ll close that dialogue now. If anyone wants to dive deeper into the three I’s, let me know. There are so many moments in life when Impulse rules, and we regret our decisions later because we didn’t invite Instinct and Intuition into the mix.